stalking.

I'm now stalking my stalker (fb stalking) how messed up am i..

i also had a dream that we were getting married last night and i called it off just before the wedding so we wouldn't ruin our lives..

this guy is having a weird effect on me..

*note not a real staler, just an odd person with a long time crush on me.

now for some pretty photos by ben blood :)

my musings about like, love and other painful experiences.

this is a quick post to get some thoughts down. as i am currently trying to get over a boy, as i have been doing for a few years now, he also just got a (perfect) girlfriend, i realised it's like everyone's life has a plan or a path and i thought mine could be going along and joining with his, but my path and her's collided, and hers won. so their's joined and my path is staggering alongside wondering what's going to be.


to them, i probably havn't crossed their mind, they probably have no idea what's been damaged. but i don't blame them, when things go well for you, why think about who was left behind?

now i'm left wondering if i'll ever find love. and i mean everyone says 'you'll find someone one day' but who's to say that will happen? just coz it sounds good. there is no promise i will find someone. that i will find 'my other half'. maybe i will always be a half, or maybe i'm already a whole.

i'm hurting now.

also today the girls were talking about what their bf's are getting them for the 18'ths or 21st and i got sad that it's too late to have someone special with me for my 18th and i'm really hoping i will for my 21st. now that sounded lame.. i always appear independant and stong. but i would like to be looked after.


getting cliche now.. so i should stop.

ending with some beautiful portraits.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dannysantos/

life post dance.

wow so i just wrote a tonne and accidently exited the site. good start.

so let's face it this will be a messy blog and no one will read it. poo.

i went out the other night for the first time. i'm in denial. i don't dance ever, apart from the car, shower and after the shower..and at work before we're open.

but i went and i danced and i danced on tables with everyone else. i forced myself to keep moving (that sentence has now inspired me to have a crazy dance in my living room. brb)

phwoaaah. now that was an epic dance and a half. (i danced to 'dawn of the dead' by does it offend you, yeah?) and dancing just then made me realise how much stupid that night was. i was convinced if i just kept dancing the night would end up being great. but it was a smidgen above average. no one is dancing the way they feel. they are all trying to look sexy. how stupid. very. maybe one day i will post a video of me dancing on this blog so you can see what real great dancing should be. (i only just stopped puffing. i danced so crazy i can taste my pizza again...ewww) *note: i don't drink, it was a sober night for me and my friends, so i guess i would see it all differently to evryone else in the club. i mean place.. remember i'm in denial, and i refuse to call it clubbing.

mm so since then a lot of songs have started to make more sense to me. first song was 'don't stop the music' by rhianna. i can see how that works now. anyway.

a few nights later i danced at my friends very tame (once more, sober party) and it was awesome fun. danced like a nut case. and since then i can't stop moving to everything. crazy how a few nights can change a person. so, dear non-existant blog readers. i will stop babbling now (i say that even tho i secretly hope someone will read this one day) i will sign off with a wonderful picture (or two..or more) as i hope to do forever.

my cat just sneezed. ah look the water is dancing (the way it feels)!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/johnnypatience/

i want to bathe in glitter, in a room filled with candles. wouldn't that be insane. i could wear a sparkly bodysuit while im at it.

http://ermenelwen.deviantart.com/

http://away-with-the-fae.deviantart.com/

http://mllepix.deviantart.com/

http://dolore.deviantart.com/